Stranded In The Middle Of The Ocean

It’s 9:00PM and it’s Friday night. You take a long shower, wear your favorite perfume, put on your iconic jacket, and beat your face for the gods. It’s time to go out, to carpe the fucking noctem. You’re single and you deserve a night out. To alleviate the stress and pressure of being in a relationship. “I can do this. I’m gonna be okay” you assure your reflection on the mirror. You chat your friends, book your Uber, and hype yourself up for the surprises of the night.

As you arrive, you are greeted by the doorman of your favorite club. He says “welcome back” and you just give him a decent smile. After you enter the neon-lit venue, you then make your way through the sheer crowd looking for your friends and other familiar faces. You see them. You start to drink, smoke, and dance your sorrows away. You own the night. You. Own. It.

Then you see someone staring at you. “He looks decent” you say to yourself. As he approaches you, you are suddenly filled with excitement. This is it. You’ve made your first catch for the night. He asks you to dance with him and as you both jive to the rhythm of DJ, you see his eyes – his beautiful brown eyes. He leans in to kiss you, and you make out for more than 5 minutes. He then leaves, asks for your number, and gives you a quick kiss on the cheek.

Another guy comes to you. And another one. And another. They all did the same thing. Dance. Stare. Kiss. Leave. This vicious cycle goes on for the rest of your night. It makes you happy, yes. It makes you feel powerful, like you’re suddenly this sought after good that everyone wants. But after tasting their lips, you suddenly feel it crashing in.

“Why won’t anyone like me?”

Total bullshit, right? You tell it to your friends, and they dismiss you. They tell you that everyone in the place is practically itching to fuck you. But you know, deep inside, that you yearn for something more. Something concrete, something meaningful, something that’s more than just lust. Something real.

As the night ends, your friends are starting to sober up. You notice that everyone is starting to leave. Some with take-outs, some without. You thought to yourself that this night would be different. That you wouldn’t be a simple party slut. But as the lights turn on and sun shines on your face as you exit the club, it dawns on you.

You’re lonelier than when you entered it.
You’re just another person, stranded in the middle of an ocean.

The Pain Of Being Single

Have you ever felt so alone?

The nights that you just want someone to be at your side seems to be occurring more often than usual. You find yourself chatting your exes, swiping on Tinder, searching on Craigslist, watching porn and wedding videos just to make yourself feel a little warm inside. You yearn for someone’s embrace, for sweet words, for care, for attention – some of which are given to you by your family and friends, but…something is missing.

It’s that romantic feeling. It’s the bliss of knowing that you have someone special who is not obliged to be there for you, but wants to out of they’re own whim. It’s the joy that you feel that someone is waiting for you to get home. Someone is waiting for you to message back. Someone is actually considering a future with you in it. The thing is, sometimes, we don’t find that someone.

We choose It’s as if the universe wants us to be alone.

We always strive to become better for us to be deserving of a special someone. We always put our best foot forward on dates. We always fall heart first without thinking of the possible repercussions. We become love-sick idiots.

Why is it so hard for us to be loved? Deep inside we know that we deserve love. We know that we would be amazing partners and that the people who will choose us won’t regret it.

We know deep inside how pain feels, and we are more than willing to not let someone feel it.

Instead of care, we feel self-pity. Instead of a warm hug, we drown ourselves in alcohol and cigarette. Instead of love, we feel pain.

We all just have a simple wish: to either end up being with someone who will love us so purely that we will forget all the pains of yesterday or…

…to become so strong that we don’t yearn for love anymore. We just want to live. Even if it means doing it by ourselves.