We’re so jealous of the people who are capable of being genuinely happy. Of the people who are constantly loved by the people around them. Why won’t it be the same for us?
Why must we suffer every night, wishing that it would be the last. Why do we pray for the our existence to end, just so it could take away the pain?
Are we selfish? Is it wrong to ask for all the hurt to go away? Is it wrong to feel sorry for ourselves? Is it wrong for us to shield ourselves from other people because we know for a fact that they will hurt us, one way or another?
Is it really a sin to end our lives? Our sad, insignificant little lives?
In a world full of billions of people, where civilians die each day, are we really that special? Are our lives really worth saving? What if we find salvation in death? Would it be valid?
Every single one of us don’t deserve pain…
Or maybe, sometimes…
The nights that you just want someone to be at your side seems to be occurring more often than usual. You find yourself chatting your exes, swiping on Tinder, searching on Craigslist, watching porn and wedding videos just to make yourself feel a little warm inside. You yearn for someone’s embrace, for sweet words, for care, for attention – some of which are given to you by your family and friends, but…something is missing.
It’s that romantic feeling. It’s the bliss of knowing that you have someone special who is not obliged to be there for you, but wants to out of they’re own whim. It’s the joy that you feel that someone is waiting for you to get home. Someone is waiting for you to message back. Someone is actually considering a future with you in it. The thing is, sometimes, we don’t find that someone.
We choose It’s as if the universe wants us to be alone.
We always strive to become better for us to be deserving of a special someone. We always put our best foot forward on dates. We always fall heart first without thinking of the possible repercussions. We become love-sick idiots.
Why is it so hard for us to be loved? Deep inside we know that we deserve love. We know that we would be amazing partners and that the people who will choose us won’t regret it.
We know deep inside how pain feels, and we are more than willing to not let someone feel it.
Instead of care, we feel self-pity. Instead of a warm hug, we drown ourselves in alcohol and cigarette. Instead of love, we feel pain.
We all just have a simple wish: to either end up being with someone who will love us so purely that we will forget all the pains of yesterday or…
…to become so strong that we don’t yearn for love anymore. We just want to live. Even if it means doing it by ourselves.