Call Me Mr. Martyr

A few months ago, I stopped believing in love and loyalty. In this era, polyamory is a trend and faithfulness is a luxury. However, things changed when I tried to see the world in a different light.

I’ve started to admire happy couples, started to feel excitement whenever a friend tells me that he is dating someone. Even those who became unfaithful to their partners, I’ve started to believe that they can change, and that they’re effort to do so is something praiseworthy.

I went out a few days back with my friends. We went to this gay club in the city, a place where temptations are all around you. After a few drinks, a friend of mine initiated to make out with me. I tried to steer away but the alcohol is already flowing through my veins. I tried to gain control over myself and pushed him away since I know that he has a partner.

Fast-forward to today, his partner messaged me and asked me who started it, how long it lasted and if he kissed anyone else. At first, I told him the truth.

He was the one who approached me. I was shocked that he did but I pushed him away.”

I started to feel that he was about to break up with him. I hate seeing relationships die and I try my best to prevent two people from falling apart. So I told him a different story.

“Actually, I was the one who initiated. He was drunk and he was the nearest guy. So I thought, maybe, it was okay to make out with him.”

He got mad. Furious. He threatened to embarrass me on social media. I tried my best talk him out of it but he was persistent. I don’t know what might happen tomorrow, but one thing is for sure; I tried to save their relationship and it felt good. It always feels nice to do something for other people. And it feels even better if it’s for something or someone important to you.

Love is important to me. And I believe that there’s still love between that couple.
And sometimes, we have to make sacrifices for the things we believe in.

The Pain Of Being Single

Have you ever felt so alone?

The nights that you just want someone to be at your side seems to be occurring more often than usual. You find yourself chatting your exes, swiping on Tinder, searching on Craigslist, watching porn and wedding videos just to make yourself feel a little warm inside. You yearn for someone’s embrace, for sweet words, for care, for attention – some of which are given to you by your family and friends, but…something is missing.

It’s that romantic feeling. It’s the bliss of knowing that you have someone special who is not obliged to be there for you, but wants to out of they’re own whim. It’s the joy that you feel that someone is waiting for you to get home. Someone is waiting for you to message back. Someone is actually considering a future with you in it. The thing is, sometimes, we don’t find that someone.

We choose It’s as if the universe wants us to be alone.

We always strive to become better for us to be deserving of a special someone. We always put our best foot forward on dates. We always fall heart first without thinking of the possible repercussions. We become love-sick idiots.

Why is it so hard for us to be loved? Deep inside we know that we deserve love. We know that we would be amazing partners and that the people who will choose us won’t regret it.

We know deep inside how pain feels, and we are more than willing to not let someone feel it.

Instead of care, we feel self-pity. Instead of a warm hug, we drown ourselves in alcohol and cigarette. Instead of love, we feel pain.

We all just have a simple wish: to either end up being with someone who will love us so purely that we will forget all the pains of yesterday or…

…to become so strong that we don’t yearn for love anymore. We just want to live. Even if it means doing it by ourselves.