In a nutshell, hopeless romantics are those who interpret even the littlest, insignificant signs as the universe’s way of telling him or her to climb that tree. It’s been a long standing part of society and the idea of being a hopeless romantic is not something new, or surprising, to us. However, with the latest technological developments and cultural changes, we have to inject a few new qualities into the persona of a hopeless romantic. Let’s call them the “new romantics” (and no, I’m not pertaining to a certain song by a certain girl.)
- Online articles about love are their new manifestos.
“10 Tips How to Make Someone Fall In Love With Your Ingrown Toenails.” They always seem to follow the instructions found on online articles but not apply it to their lives. They just have to find a topic that they can relate to at the present moment, share it on Facebook, and look for the best item there and use it as the caption (they don’t even bother reading the entire article).
- Astrology accounts are the modern love gurus.
“This week on Virgo…” They almost always believe the predictions they see online. From the color of the clothes that their soulmate is wearing to the length of their eyelashes, they seem to think that tweets from astrology accounts are ultimate and undebatable.
- They think that having long conversations on Tinder is something magical.
They’ve read too much Tinder success stories that they think (and wish, most probably) it will also happen to them. Then when they feel bad that things didn’t work out the way they planned, they will uninstall the app. But check their phones after a few days and you’d find it re-installed; with a fresh batch of matches.
- Listening to the same Spotify playlists make them feel butterflies.
It means having the same tastes in almost, everything, apparently. Listening to the same playlist means liking the same artist, liking the same songs, and liking the same cover art. A match made in heaven.
- They also believe that liking their online posts equate to a marriage proposal.
“OMG! He liked my tweet!” Sounds familiar? New romantics tend to put importance on the fact that the person they like dedicated a few minutes of their precious time to like, or even more importantly, comment on former’s post about a pimple-popping doctor.
- They “drop hints” by tweeting or retweeting product posts
“See this new bracelet I retweeted? Yes I want you to give it to me next month!” Seriously, subtlety is the last word that will come to mind when asked to describe new romantics. Once they see a beautiful make-up kit or a brand new kicks, they will retweet it multiple times, hoping that you’ll give it to them the next time you celebrate your “monthsary”.
- Being “Facebook official” is more important than being “real life official”|
They wouldn’t eve bother telling their friends that they’re official but instead the latter should just “wait for it on Facebook.” Because once they are in “In A Relationship” status. The world stops and congratulates them on this successful feat. The emotional equivalent of this is probably a scientist winning a Nobel Prize and being celebrated for it.
- You have to include them in your Instagram or Snapchat stories
…or else they will go batshit crazy on you. Why are you not including them?! Are you trying to hide something?! Do you have a side hoe that they have to take care of? So unless you’re prepared to brave the storm, you better take a not-so-candid shot of them sleeping (Pro Tip: Do it 50 times, let them choose the best one and apply the best filter. You can also use a dog face filter if you’re both taking a selfie.)
- They start getting drunk when they see the person adding other “people”.
I think by now we all know that on Facebook, your friends can see the people you’ve added. They can even like and comment on the activity. New romantics will flip if they see you add some hottie and will start calling their friends, do background research, and drag the poor thing to dust on Twitter. Trust me, it happens.
- They put “Hair” by Little Mix on loop after the break-up.
And that’s just the first one! Once they find out that things are at an end, they will also play “Shout Out To My Ex”, “Love Yourself” and other songs from the “So Over You” playlist.
It’s not bad if you’re a new romantic of if you know someone who is. They are just fascinating creatures who have taken a step further in humanity’s quest for evolution.